As the weather gets colder and more wintery, I have more problems with the relationship of my body to objects in the time/space continuum, especially if there's a full moon. A few days ago when the full moon was shooting beams down onto Earth, I had a particularly ridiculous day.
It started with dropping a glass saucer first thing in the morning. There I was pre-caffeine, faced with a rambunctious cat and shards of glass scattered all over the floor. I had no choice but to get out the vacuum cleaner and suck up the glass, followed by sweeping to make sure there were no shards left.
The vacuum cleaner is a story in itself. Its long handle broke off years ago. I tried duct-taping it back on, but this flimsy repair couldn't withstand the force of the vacuuming motions. So when I vacuum I have to either do it on my knees or stoop over. Now, with broken glass on the floor, I couldn't kneel, so I had to bend over and vacuum.
As I stood up, I whacked my head hard on the cupboard, then dropped the dustpan full of glass. This meant I had to start all over again with the vacuuming and sweeping--before my cup of tea, remember...
The day went surprisingly smoothly after that, except during another job interview when I noticed dried blood stains on one of my portfolio pieces--no mystery, though--I'm constantly cutting my fingers. As well, I hadn't noticed until leaving the interview that moths had eaten an apple-sized chunk out of my colourful pink scarf.
I was a bit nervous going to opera rehearsal that night, as we were getting the choreography for a song and dance number I'm in, and I'm hopelessly inept at learning dance routines. It takes me 10 times longer than the average person to get them. I decided to make a hearty dinner of nachos before I went out to face my dance Gotterdamerung. Only thing is, I forgot to include cheese. This did not bode well.
Naturally, while getting direction on the dance number, I was unable to remember the lyrics and count kicks at the same time. My brain just short circuited. I'm surprised no one saw the smoke coming out of my ears...Also, I kept kicking on the wrong side, so I ended up kicking the other girls. I wouldn't blame them if they started wearing protective padding to rehearsals to prevent injury from my wayward kicks.
After that expenditure of energy, I sat in the audience watching my colleagues rehearse. I fiddled with my earring and heard it drop onto the filthy auditorium floor. It's big and gold, so you'd think it wouldn't be hard to spot. But I spent 20 minutes crawling around on the floor among the dustballs looking for it. I had given up when, during the break as I was talking to a guy who claimed not to have noticed me crawling around on the floor behind him and freaking out, I spotted the earring right by my foot! This saved the whole entropic day, and gave me hope that not all things in my life will be broken and permanently lost.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
What not to eat at a job interview
I'm not in a bargaining position when it comes to work. So I didn't feel able to say no to a job interview that started at 12:00 noon. I didn't bother haggling over scheduling and making it sound like eating is my biggest priority in life (it kind of is). I speculated as to whether the interviewers would provide sandwiches, but I didn't want to ask in case it sounded too greedy and grasping. Since the interview consisted of a 2-hour writing test followed by a 1-hour interview, I knew there was no way I'd make it to 3:00 without fainting. So I made myself a honey and butter sandwich and stashed it in my purse. Yes, a purse. I do own some, which I carry instead of my usual knapsack when I want to look less like someone coming fresh from the Occupy Toronto site.
I put on just a touch of makeup--lipstick and mascara. Problem is, because of cash-flow issues, I can't afford to replace my monthly contact lenses. I'm therefore wearing leftover and mismatched contacts from my old prescription, which don't allow me to see close up very well. I guessed that the mascara looked OK, jamming my face against the bathroom mirror to have a look, but all I could see was a blurred, deranged-looking face.
At the interview venue, I made myself at home in the boardroom, sitting down at a fancy-looking, big rosewood board table.
At one point I started to cough due to either dust or cleaning chemicals in the room. This devolved quickly into full-blown hacking. I coughed so hard my eyes watered. I worried about people hearing me coughing, because it sounded like I had TB or pneumonia and needed oxygen. With a cough candy in my mouth, I checked my makeup mirror to see if the mascara had run. Again, all I could see was a blurry blob.
By 1:00 I was starting to feel hungry and stupid....I took out my honey sandwich. Crumbs and honey kept dropping onto the rosewood table. A couple of people went by and looked through the window just as I was licking honey off my fingers. I tried to sweep up the crumbs, and they fell onto the carpet. They were quite visible, so I kicked them under the table. I wet my paper towel and wiped the honey off the boardroom table. Then I chewed gum and reapplied lipstick. At 2:00 the interview team came in and grilled me--thankfully, I did not embarrass myself.
Walking home, I looked down and saw that my recently polished boots were marked up with ugly salt stains....And then at home I took out my contacts and verified that the mascara was in fact smeared all over my eyes, making me look like a raccoon or someone with a drinking problem. For today's job interview I am not wearing mascara, and not bringing anything with honey in it. This way I hope to look more professional and less vagabond and demented,,,,
I put on just a touch of makeup--lipstick and mascara. Problem is, because of cash-flow issues, I can't afford to replace my monthly contact lenses. I'm therefore wearing leftover and mismatched contacts from my old prescription, which don't allow me to see close up very well. I guessed that the mascara looked OK, jamming my face against the bathroom mirror to have a look, but all I could see was a blurred, deranged-looking face.
At the interview venue, I made myself at home in the boardroom, sitting down at a fancy-looking, big rosewood board table.
At one point I started to cough due to either dust or cleaning chemicals in the room. This devolved quickly into full-blown hacking. I coughed so hard my eyes watered. I worried about people hearing me coughing, because it sounded like I had TB or pneumonia and needed oxygen. With a cough candy in my mouth, I checked my makeup mirror to see if the mascara had run. Again, all I could see was a blurry blob.
By 1:00 I was starting to feel hungry and stupid....I took out my honey sandwich. Crumbs and honey kept dropping onto the rosewood table. A couple of people went by and looked through the window just as I was licking honey off my fingers. I tried to sweep up the crumbs, and they fell onto the carpet. They were quite visible, so I kicked them under the table. I wet my paper towel and wiped the honey off the boardroom table. Then I chewed gum and reapplied lipstick. At 2:00 the interview team came in and grilled me--thankfully, I did not embarrass myself.
Walking home, I looked down and saw that my recently polished boots were marked up with ugly salt stains....And then at home I took out my contacts and verified that the mascara was in fact smeared all over my eyes, making me look like a raccoon or someone with a drinking problem. For today's job interview I am not wearing mascara, and not bringing anything with honey in it. This way I hope to look more professional and less vagabond and demented,,,,
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