Drain Drama: Diary of mad hour in my bathroom

7:24 - Realize bathroom sink is clogged. Water stuck in sink and not moving.

7:25 - Pull out sink plug and notice how covered in slime it is. Realize have not cleaned it for years, maybe ever.

7:27 - Get on hands and knees and awkwardly look in cupboard under sink. Pull out thing-a-ma-jigger that works the sink plug.

7:29 - Attempt to stand up, and bang head. Swear loudly. Notice water still trapped in sink.

7:30 - Remove all crap from inside cupboard. Notice things I didn't know I still owned and for which I've needlessly bought duplicates…(i.e. nail polish remover)

7:37 - Back down on hands and knees. Unscrew some other thingy. Water begins pouring into cupboard. Desperately screw thing back in. 

7:41 - Dump vinegar and baking soda into sink. Watch interesting sizzling. But no movement on water.

7:43 - Dump eco-friendly toilet cleaner into sink. Watch it float around uselessly. Swear some more.

7:45 - Bring out chemical warfare - DRANO - and dump crystals in sink. Go watch Big Bang Theory for a few minutes. 

8:00 - Back to sink. Ugly blue pond of water trapped in sink. No movement.

8:01 - Contort body into unnatural shape again and go back inside cupboard to uplug thingy. 

8:03 - Ugly blue water pours into cupboard and onto arms. Scream like banshee and run to kitchen sink to wash skin.

8:08 - Sulk over chemical burns and hives forming on skin. Rewash with extra soap.

8:11 - Take wire coat hanger and straighten it. Put down into drain and wiggle around. All sorts of hard scum comes back up. 

8:14 - Turn on water. Ugly blue water pours into empty cupboard. 

8:15 - Clean up mess under cupboard. Get bucket and put it under drain. Remove thingy. Water pours into bucket. Genius!

8:22 - Try putting chain down drain. Suddenly lose grip and chain falls down drain! Swear like sailor. Stomp around in circles scaring cat.

8:27 - Using a plier, fashion a small hook on the end of the straightened hanger. Stick down drain and carefully "fish" for chain. Swear and feel like crying and laughing at once.

8:31 - Eventually get hold of chain and bring back up out of drain. Very slimy. 

8:35 - Call male friends asking for help. None available until Sat. Unacceptable!

8:45 - However, hear back from Frank, who offers to bring over "snake" tomorrow. Plumbing appointment set for 12:30 EST.

Epilogue: It took three tries, but Frank's snake finally busted through the giant clog, and water could flow again. If you've never seen what soap and hairs do when they bond together in a drain for years on end, I can tell you it ain't pretty….